I am probably going to be a little frank in this post but I encourage you to hang in there with me. This is not going to be an end of the year post of “what happened in 2014” but I do want to be frank with some of the things that I have struggled with this past year. Mainly with my health and trying to live a healthy lifestyle.
Last October (2013) I started feeling very fatigued and just all around not good. I started having issues with my period (sorry fella’s) which is something that has never been an issue with me, however there is a history of things like that in my family. I was very unmotivated to do anything, especially when it came to eating right and working out.
I would try to “start over” on Monday to have a fresh week but it never failed something would always happen or I would wake up feeling very tired. My body would just hurt and ache.
I started having issues sleeping or the lack of sleep. I would wake up in the middle of the night, mostly around 2:30 or 3, and I would be wide awake. I would end up just staying awake and usually eat something. Not good.
My periods worsened.
Eating way off.
These are a bad combination.
From December 2013, to March 2014, I had one long period. This sent me straight to my gynecologist to get things checked out. There were many birth control trial and errors and many back and forth visits to my doctors.
I can honestly tell you that by this point I felt like I was going to lose my mind. I could already feel the weight creeping back on and felt helpless to do anything about it.
I had my vitamin D tested. Very low.
I had my thyroid tested. Not functioning normal.
Birth control was not working.
I was a mess.
I remember looking at my file that my gynecologist has on me and I saw the word, “perimenopause”. The definition of the word means, around menopause. I wanted to cry. I did. Many times. Just seeing the word made me feel old. Pushed aside.
Everything about me seemed so different. Like I was screaming and no one could hear me.
The lack of interest in doing anything was an understatement. I got up. I went to work. I came home. I went to bed.
During all of this my doctor retired and I had to get my files transferred to someone else, fortunately it was in the same building. This time around I have a female and she is the one that tested my Vitamin D and Thyroid levels. Something I was so glad for!
She also gave me some options for my period, never discussing a hysterectomy.
Might I just add that this was a very humbling experience and conversation. Never did I imagine it.
After having a consultation with my doctor, we decided to go with the Endometrial Ablation procedure. This is a procedure that destroys (ablates) the uterine lining. Destroys. Ablates. Ugh.
Its funny, I love children and I love my niece and nephew to the moon and back. I have never really had a huge desire to have children but I always thought that I would be a mom. In an instant, that was taken away. This procedure is not a form of birth control, however, you cannot carry a child after having it done. Never will I know what it’s like to have a baby growing inside of me. On one hand, this does make me sad. Not only will I never carry a child, I won’t make my parents grandparents again. Unless I marry someone with children.
On the other, I am trusting God that this is the best thing for me. He loves me and He wants the very best and if not having children is part of that, then I will be at peace with that. It doesn’t mean I can’t love on children. There are a lot of kids that go to bed at night never being told that they are loved. I can do that.
Back to the surgery…..
I took off work this past Friday to have the procedure done and I am five days post op. So far, things that I am experiencing post surgery are normal.
Part of the reason that I wanted to share this with you is because everyone’s healthy living journey is different. There are ups and there are downs and sometimes the downs are really down. I have spent months trying to figure out what would work for me and balance out some of the changes that I was experiencing only to figure out nothing. I will have days where I don’t want to eat anything and then there are days that I could make a meal out of jelly beans and reese’s cups. There are days that I get up and I am so tired that the thought of working out makes me feel nothing but dread. Which made me feel worse because I love working out! I miss it! I miss being consistent with it!
I have tried really hard to cut myself some slack but it’s very difficult for a perfectionist to do that. So the only thing that I can do right now is take it day by day. I am allowing myself to heal before I start an exercise program but I do want to continue using Piyo and the 21 Day Fix DVD’s.
Through all of this I am figuring out the person that I am right now not who I was. Does that sentence make sense? I hope so :).
This is Sophie giving me cuddles the night of my surgery. :) Sweet lil girl!
I got bored and wanted to come up with a “healthier” version of some hot chocolate.
- 1 cup of almond/coconut milk
- 1/4 cup of baking cocoa
- pinch of sweetener (your choice)
- cool whip and cinnamon for garnish
Put all ingredients (minus the garnish items) and bring to a boil stirring constantly.
Pour in a cup and garnish with the cool whip and cinnamon
Thank you guys for letting me share this with you. :)