My Story

I have to admit….. I’m a little obsessed with this song by Big Daddy Weave.  Have you heard it?  If you haven’t, you really should stop what you are doing and go listen to it…

It’s okay….

I’ll wait…

:)

 

The first part of the song goes like this:

If I told you my story, you would hear Hope that wouldn’t let go.

If I told you my story, you would hear Love that never gave up.

If I told you my story, you would hear Life, but it wasn’t mine.

 

Hope.  Love.  Life.

Some amazing things right? 

If you were asked to tell story, what would you say?  How would you describe the things that you have been through?  Would you be embarrassed?  Ashamed?  Proud?  Or, would you feel anything?

I spent a very long time feeling so ashamed of the things that I had done and was doing.  Wanting so desperately to hide under a rock or feeling like everyone knew your past…….I mean, they must know right??

 

Here’s what I know.  

Once I recognized my life was spirally out of control, I cried out to the only one that I could cry out to.  No matter how we try to fill our lives of things that make us feel good or things that don’t make us feel good, we just do them because we feel we deserve the worst. 

But then guess what happens…  Hope enters.  It enters in a way that crumbles the feelings of shame and regret.  It breaks down every barrier of anger and sadness and hopelessness that you feel.  Hope makes way for Love.

Love. 

The kind of Love that enters into your life even when you can barely drag yourself out of the miry clay.  The kind of Love that says, “I don’t care what you’ve done. I love you no matter what.”   Love makes way for Life.

Life.  Not your life mind you.  It’s Jesus’ life being lived out in you.  The kind of Life that tells everyone that something is different about her or him. 

Life that spills out because you can’t contain it.

 

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I think that sometimes we as Christians have forgotten how to live as victors.  We have victory over our past sins!  They’re gone my sweet friends.  That’s what Jesus died for.  God desperately wants a relationship with us.  He loves us beyond what we can even comprehend. 

 

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Be Imitators

Living in a world and in a society that looks at weight, dress and your looks as the most important quality a person has, it’s kinda hard to be imitators of Christ.  My niece is about to have her 11th birthday and I know that she will face things at her age that I and her parents didn’t dream of facing at that age. 

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I’ll be honest.  Even at my age I still face the issues of weight, looks and dress.  If I’m not careful, I will covet what other women have and want to look a certain way.  Other than what God has intended for me to look like.

When Paul said in Ephesians 5 for us to be “imitators” of Christ, I don’t think he was talking about our looks.  Can I get an Amen! 

In every relationship that I have pursued, I have wanted for that other person to complete me.  To give me this amazing reason to get up in the morning and move toward something.  To change myself for that person. 

 

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This mornings bible study centered on walking in love.  Not the kind of love that the world says is ok but the kind of love that always gives and never takes away.  We are designed by God for love….. to give love and to be loved.

We live in the flesh yes, but the Spirit of God allows us to love others and to love someone the right way.  We can’t pick and choose who we love and we sure can’t work up the ability to love others. 

For me, I find that I am in a place where all that I want to do is desperately get to know and love God more and more.  I want it to consume everything about my life.  I have found that I don’t like myself very much when I am in a relationship or pursuing one.  I become this version of me that God did not intend.  Does that mean that my prince charming isn’t out there?  I don’t know but I am not going to waste my time running after one until God says that I am ready. 

I’ve tried to look for love in so many other things that I nearly lost myself.  I could have continued down that path of despair hoping that in the end I would find what I was looking for but if it wasn’t the love of Christ, then it would be false. 

 

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We as His children are accepting the worlds view of love.  We are accepting lifestyles that are totally unbecoming to believers.  We’re accepting habits, attitudes, language and music that is totally diabolically against all mighty God.

It’s empty view.

 

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So what do we do? 

We don’t compromise.

We do the right thing, even when everyone else thinks it’s weird.

We love others, even when they are not loveable.

When we’re talked about or made fun of, we give them the other cheek.

We remember who gives us life.

We remember who created the true meaning of Love.

We trust and know that there is a place in our hearts that only Christ belongs and nothing else will fit there.

We encourage each other.

We speak with authority about our faith.  He’s given us that power!

We remember that no matter how lonely or alone we may feel, we are never that. 

He is with us all the time.  From the moment we wake up to the moment we fall asleep, He has taken every step with us.  Makes me think about where I take Him.

 

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Please know that if you don’t feel loved today…. He loves you and so do I. 

Make Jesus Famous

Do you ever have those moments of clarity when you know exactly why you are here and what your purpose is?  The bible study’s that I have been doing are specifically pointing to just that.  Purpose.  Salt and Light.  Making an impact.  Aware of Gods presence at all times.  Remembering that I am His in difficult times. 

I was listening to KLove yesterday and the Encouraging Story came on and the young woman speaking said these words, “we are here to love people and make Jesus famous.”

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Why is it then that we stress ourselves out trying to figure out what were are to be doing with our lives?  I have realized and know that as long as I love Christ and continue to seek Him and put Him first, the rest will come. 

 

In the midst of really difficult times, I will praise Him.

In the really amazing times, I will praise Him.

In times of confusion, I will trust Him.

In times of sadness and despair, I will trust Him.

In times of anger and frustration, I will wait for Him to show up.

Because He will.

 

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I want to live my life 100% aware that God is present and that He isn’t just interesting in meeting my needs, He wants a relationship with me.  He wants to come into my life and consume every part of it.  My home life, my work life, my relationships, my friendships, my attitude, my words.  Everything. 

Because we are treasures to Him.

He loves us just the way we are.

He catches us every time we fall.

He wants to share in our experiences.

He never leaves.

 

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He intends to change peoples lives through us. 

 

So lets make Jesus famous.  Lets be bold and courageous.  Lets declare His love to others with the authority He has already given us. 

He can see all the way to the end my sweet friends.

The Tongue

Good morning my beautiful friends…  This morning I wanted to share my bible study with you!

 

The tongue.

Our speech can be used for so many things but it still needs to be guarded.  The bible even says to do so..  Working for the public can be, at times, very frustrating.  Most of the calls that we deal with where I work are on a negative basis.  And I’ll be the first to admit, it gets to me sometimes.  I lash out.  I tear down.  Which in turn, affects my attitude. 

Gods word gives us the best example of how we are to speak and to speak to each other. 

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.  James 4:29

 

There it is! 

Simple.

Or is it?

In my devotion it was described as, “smoldering anger”……  whew!   You’ve seen a fire burning toward the end right?  The coals that are there can get super hot!  I’ve seen them burn all night before.  Our angry thoughts can do just the same. 

Have you ever been so angry before that you just stewed and fretted over it all night?  Only to wake up the next morning with a gut that is screaming at you!!

 

When you are saved, God accepted you on the basis of what Christ did for you.  It doesn’t matter what you did, forgiveness has been given to you forever and ever.  Shouldn’t the same be given to those who want to tear us down?

Everything we say should build up.  No rotten speak should pass through our mouth. 

Well, what about if I think it, I should say it.  Um…..no.  Understand that the words you speak affect your mind and your attitude and your body.  You are a reflection of what is going on inside of you. 

 

How should we deal with someone who tears us down?

If someone verbally tears you down, they are in the gutter.  For you to get even, you will have to meet them in that gutter. 

We must conquer them by loving them.

 

And let me say that I have in no way mastered this….. but I know that the closer that I am to Christ, the more I will be able to speak words of life and love. 

 

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Speak life to someone today!

Dealing with…Anything

Well good morning!  I’m setting here enjoying a protein smoothie (post workout) and a cup of coffee with my mom :)

 

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(taken a couple of months back)

 

I am truly feeling blessed this morning.  Blessed to be alive and blessed beyond measure to still be enjoying my parents.  They’re doing what they love…..RV’ing…….and I still get to spend time with them. 

 

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This is my dad as a baby…. :)

 

 

This mornings bible study was about anxiety and how we allow it to run our lives.  There is freedom my sweet friends.  There is a way out of anxiety and depression controlling our every decision.  You see, God is not a source of anxiety, fear is.  God also doesn’t intend for us to deal with anxiety.  I mean what exists that you can’t trust God with?  Nothing. 

I don’t have to fret and worry or be anxious for anything when it comes to my BIG God.  He didn’t say, “lay it down gently”.  He said…..”cast your burden down”! 

I want to share just some of the things that might cause us to be anxious or fearful:

  • feeling of inadequacy
  • attempt to change things I have no control over
  • failure to trust God to provide our needs
  • priorities are misplaced
  • attempting to live tomorrow, today

We don’t have to live this way my sweet friends!  

 

  • You are enough
  • you can’t control everything
  • you can trust God with every need
  • my priority is in Him
  • I can trust Him enough to live just for today!

 

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Ok….. so my best friend is going to kill me for posting this picture!  But I just booked my flight to go see her in October!!!  Agh!!  I can’t wait!  

I told her that I didn’t care if we just took naps and went to Starbucks the entire time I was there……..lol. 

I do think that going trick-or-treating will be apart of the plan…  Aaaaaand, they have a Trader Joe’s! 

 

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Have a beautiful day!

Healing Completely

So how do you start a post when so much has happened since the last time you posted anything?  Do you explain detail by detail of what occurred?  Or, do you write the short version? 

To be honest, I wouldn’t really know where to begin. 

I really do mean it when I say…… so much has happened :)

I can honestly say that I felt like my life was spiraling out of control.  I didn’t recognize myself and thought how in the world could things be so different.  I will be honest and tell you that I finally reached a point where I just didn’t want to go on anymore and my only option was to seek help.  No, not a therapist.  I woke up on a Sunday morning and felt so extremely low that I was ready for God to just take me home.  I was tired of hurting and tired of being so sad all of the time.  I spent the next three days in bed.  In the dark.  Wishing that each time that I just wouldn’t wake up. 

Depression is real my friends.

Sadness that is so overwhelming.

Despair.

The darkness you just want to climb into like a bed.

Everything and nothing hurts.

Pretending to be ok when everything inside is shattered.

 

The smartest thing that I did was reach out to a pastor friend of mine for some help.  He is a mentor but I do not see him on a daily basis so I knew he could give me sound biblical advice and separate the fact that he is my friend.  He was aware of some things that was going on in my live and the way that I was currently living. 

It’s ironic that as a Christian, we still somehow can get caught off guard or surprised by the despair and sadness in our lives when it’s not in line with following Christ. I just felt so lost.  Alone and yet I wanted it that way.  I wanted God to take my pain away but I didn’t want to sacrifice anything for Him to do that. 

 

 

 

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Scripture.  God’s Word.  Something that I knew would help heal me and yet I couldn’t bring myself to even read it.  If  I did read it, it wouldn’t make sense and certainly applying it to my life seemed impossible. 

I just didn’t want to.

I even told my pastor friend this and his response was simply……. “Everybody does things that they don’t want to”.  We spoke for about an hour and a half and he even gave me an assignment to do but most importantly he told me that I needed to be in God’s Word and that I also needed to be in church.  He recommended that I visit a church where no one knew me so that I could just worship………..heal…….completely. 

So I did.

I also began doing a bible study in the morning before work.  At first I didn’t really want to set still for that long but slowly.  Surely.  I started looking forward to meeting with my Father again.

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It’s been an amazing journey so far figuring out God’s plan for my life.  No longer do I want to just muddle through life and exist.  I want to live my life and find joy and peace in doing so.  When I decided to surrender my pain, almost instantly the weight lifted.  Gone is the desire to stay in darkness.  Gone is the sadness.  Gone is the pain.  Gone is the despair. 

 

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So what does this mean for me?

 

 

It means life. 

 

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Being Healthier

When you wake up in the morning to every feel like you are in a Twilight Zone?  Every thought you have doesn’t make sense and you just feel very cloudy.  You’re surprised that you made it into work because you can’t even remember the drive in.  :)

I really hope that I am not alone here.

 

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Random picture of Emma because she is so cute!!

 

We can try so hard to get the outside healthy that we forget to work on the inside at the same time.  Its actually the most important.  When my relationship with Christ is off, everything else seems to follow.  Work, health, decisions…everything.  There seems to be this darkness that just hangs over you.  A cloud so to speak.

The scary thing?  Sometimes that cloud can feel like it stays there a long time. 

A really long time.

 

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Sweet Sophie!

 

When I step outside of myself, I can view the process of moving closer to Christ as a beautiful thing.  Even when it hurts. 

No matter how the outside looks, the inside could be screaming out to be saved.  Healed.  Seen.  Rescued. 

I could follow the best workout program and still not be healthy.  When I work on my relationship with Christ, I make better choices.  Better choices when it comes to eating and working out. 

 

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Because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, I want to put good things in my body. 

 

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So when you think about considering a healthy lifestyle, it all must work together.  The inside must be healthy too. 

Whatever you put in your body, comes out. 

 

I may not have it all figured out but I love the fact that I have a Father who is about giving us chances everyday and every minute to make good choices and to follow Him. 

If you are screaming out on the inside and you feel like no one can hear you, He can.  He knows you so well because He created you. 

 

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You must care enough about yourself to become a healthier you. 

Inside and Out.

:)