Does this look stupid?

So lately I have been asking, “does this look stupid?”  Mainly when it comes to the clothes that I am wearing.  You dig through your closet to find something to wear and you end up throwing something together that might not even match.  Then come the dreaded words out of your mouth that you have been thinking….. Does this look stupid?

 

Why do we ask such things?  And what does that say about us? 

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What we are wearing may not match, but it certainly doesn’t warrant the word stupid

I looked up the definition of stupid and here is what I came up with:

 

Lacking intelligence or common sense.  Ignorant.  Dense.  Foolish.  Dull-witted.  Slow. 

 

Oh I could go on with some of the things that are out there!!

 

Here’s the thing….

I don’t like the word stupid.  It’s a negative word.  When most people use it, we are tearing down not building up and I really don’t like the fact that I have used that word a lot lately. 

So!  No more stupid comments!! 

 

How about a photo dump!?!

 

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There you have it!!  

The Struggle

This post is actually going to be very difficult for me to write.  You see, it’s about my faith.  Something I found very easy to write about or talk about, I find difficult.  For many reasons, but partly because it’s something that I am struggling with and have for a long time now.

I can’t even pinpoint a time or place where the struggle began but at this point, it doesn’t matter. 

This season of my life has been very long. 

Very long.

I went to church this past Sunday and it was good to be there but as I sat there listening to the sermon I felt all sorts of things going on but mainly feelings of anger. 

This is my struggle.

I am just angry.

And how can I love Jesus and be angry all of the time?

And what is it that I am angry about?

How come I can’t let it go?

 

I think sometimes we can end up angry at the world and not even know it.  You become desensitized by everything around you and you become this robot of reactions and responses that your mind and body have memorized. 

That sentence felt weird to type out.

Nearly my entire life has been surrounded by something that had to do with my faith.  If the doors were open, I was there.  Missions trips.  Sunday school with the kiddo’s.  It seems different now.  We did have some things that happened at our church a while back that in the end, I just felt so burned out and churched out.  I kept asking myself, “what’s the point anymore?”  As Christians, we can forget the “good news”.  The news of Jesus and the fact that He died for our sins so that we can be with our Creator.  Forever.

He also died so that our lives here can be more abundant. 

 

Please bare with me.

 

When I got home from church Sunday, I text a friend of mine and this is what it said….

I am not sure where to begin this but as I sat in church this morning, I felt so much anger.  Mainly at how my life has turned out.  I really did think that my life would look differently than it does and I guess I’m pretty angry about it. 

I’m not married.

I’ll never have children.

I don’t even have a significant other.

I know this is why I come on so strong to men when they show an interest.

I’m not living right and I know it.

The thing that scares me the most is that I feel indifferent about it.

Indifferent about church.

Indifferent about telling others about Him.

About praying

About reading His word

I love Jesus and I know He died for me but what I bring to the table, my family, to church, to Sunday school, to anything is false and frankly, I’m tired of pretending.  I feel alone and cant make people understand where I’m coming from. 

I just feel so fake.

False.

Insincere.

And I am just so tired of it.

 

It’s really hard to make someone understand where you are coming from when these things are going through your head.  Especially when someone comes to you out of love.  I know they love me and out of that love they encourage me but most of the time, I just feel judged.  I was speaking to a gentleman Sunday that I have so much respect for as a man of God and the entire time I was thinking in my head…. “you’re judging me”…..”Mr. Judgy pants”.  Knowing that this person would never do that! 

If I can’t bring my very best to Him and it’s not sincere, then I don’t want to pretend that it is. 

 

Still with me? 

I hope so.

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I feel that my heart is too dirty to even bring to Him and His throne.  I have allowed satan to use my insecurities and fears and manipulate my thoughts.  But hear me out.  It’s not like I got up one day and was like…”oh I think I’ll be indifferent about my relationship with Jesus.  In fact, I’m just going to live like I want to.”  It’s not something that happens overnight. 

As Casting Crowns sings, “It’s a Slow Fade”

 

Oh how I want to be the way that I was.  Excited to be in church.  Around my brothers and sisters.  Worshiping together.  Wanting to go on mission trips.  Serving in my church.

But it’s not that way right now. 

 

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I’m just at a loss.  I know where to go and what to do but I have forgotten how to get there.  I feel like something has been taken away or removed and don’t know how to get it back.

I have things in my life that excite me but the one excitement I truly miss and want is gone.  I have interests and hobbies but they can never bring me true happiness.

Can I ever be content with how my life is at this very moment? 

 

My goal with this post is really just to be honest with myself and put it out there. 

 

I hope you hung in there with me :)

 

**Things are better.  I am reading in the morning before work and that is helping**

Happy New Year-plus one!!

Well I don’t know about you but I had the best New Years Day! I was able to spend it with this amazing little girl!

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The night before she had spent the night with a little friend and they went to Build-A-Bear to pick up “Annie”  ;)

 

Our first stop was to get our toes done up for the New Year!!

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Erin’s toes are on the top and mine are on the bottom :)

I always enjoy a good pedicure and I especially enjoyed getting one with my niece but dang that water was cold!  And so were his hands!  This pedicure came with a scrub and my niece and I both agree we could have done without that especially since it was so stinkin cold!

Whew!

 

Our second stop of course was at Starbucks to get some hot chocolate and coffee.

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Erin got a chocolate cake pop….. she said, “I believe I’ll try the vanilla next time.”  lol

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Did I mention that it rained us the whole time?  It did.  And it was cold!

After we left Starbucks, we headed to Target so the birthday girl could pick out an outfit.

Jeans and a sweater!  No picture…..I don’t know what I was thinking!

By now we were starting to get hungry so we went to have lunch and then headed toward home.

It was a good day!

 

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Injury:

I have been struggling with my shoulder for a while now.  I am not sure what happened or when it occurred but I have lots of little knots all around it and up my neck.  I can’t even rotate all the way to the left. 

What does this mean?

I can’t workout.

I had finally gotten into a routine again with my workouts and this happens.  I think however that whatever had happened, had not healed yet or properly.  This really frustrates me!  I want so bad to workout!! 

This is where I am going to take a breath and concentrate on my eating.  Working out isn’t a problem for me.  I love it……when my body can do it that is.  It’s my eating.  Everyone goes through seasons in their life that this can get off track so I am going to take full advantage of it.

 

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I need more of this!!

 

 

Question:  How do you handle injuries?

Getting ready for the week!

So now that Christmas is over lots of people will be setting some new goals for the New Year.  What goals or things do you want to set for yourself this coming year? 

 

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How in the world does the year go by so fast??  Before you know it, time has flown and you wonder….Did I reach any of the goals that I wanted to meet?  I’ll be honest.  I am horrible at reaching goals or maybe it’s the sticking to it. 

Being a perfectionist sometimes works against me.

 

Here are some of the things that I want to work on:

  1. Quiet time.  One of the main goals that I have this coming year (and even right now) is to be deliberate in the time that I spend with Christ.  Any type of relationship takes effort and nourishing.  The same can be said for our relationship with Him. 
  2. Eating better.  Get rid of the sugar!! Just meal planning and meal prepping isn’t good enough. I have to stick to that plan and not consume a giant amount of sugar or sugar containing foods.  Don’t get me wrong…..too much restricting can lead to binge eating (for me anyway) but I do think there must be a balance.  For the body to work the way it’s supposed to, it must be fueled properly.
  3. Budget better.  I want to find a budget that works for me.
  4. I want to learn how to make the following: jam, a whole chicken and marshmallows. Of course this will not be eaten together… ;)
  5. Start a cross stitching project.  Years back my mom taught me how to cross stitch and I did lots of little things and a couple of big things but then I just put it down.  I have something that I want to start and so I would like to pick that up again.

There are other things that I want to do and things that I want to invest in.

 

I did a little meal prepping yesterday:

 

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  • chicken patties cooked with green onions
  • steamed broccoli and cauliflower
  • red potatoes cooked in evoo and green onions
  • broccoli and cauliflower patties
  • carrots

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My lunches for the week!

 

As for my workouts, I am sticking to the 21 Day Fix program and Piyo.  Love these!!

 

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21-Day-Fix-Workout-Calendar

 

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Watching Home Alone with the kids Christmas Day night…  love them!

 

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I had to work Saturday (only three hours) and since it was cold and rainy, this is how I spent the rest of the day. 

 

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This is my sweet man Rocky.  When I took this picture, he was kneading biscuits and he was all business.  This lil guy was found by a neighbor of ours in a fast food restaurants dumpster.  Really?  How can someone actually just throw away an animal? 

Anyway, he’s been with us ever since.  He’s huge but has the wimpiest meow.  :)

 

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Have a wonderful day!!  :)

What My Christmas Looked Like

Hey guys!!  Well, it’s over.  Christmas trees will start coming down and the decorations will be put away.  And of course there are the after Christmas sells at the stores too.  I am personally looking for a new tree myself. 

I hope you had a wonderful Christmas!

Here is what mine looked like….

 

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Me nephew dressed for the occasion. He might have been in a little hurry to get to his presents!

 

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The ladies.

 

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The men.

 

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Waiting on a crumb

 

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My brother.  You really can’t have the two of us together at any kind of function.  We’re the ones standing in the corner cutting up and laughing. 

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But I do love him!

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He was intently telling my niece a story of when he got his worst spanking by my grandparents.

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This was her face.. :)

 

The morning was pretty lazy.  I did get up at my normal time though and enjoyed a cup of coffee in a quiet house.  My favorite thing.  I actually watched Maze Runner………have you seen it?  I think I am going to have to go get the books now.  Like yesterday.

I also was able to get in a workout!  Merry Christmas to me!!  It’s the best gift I can give myself. 

 

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21 Day Fix: Dirty 30!

I was actually pretty excited!  Finally made my way to the end of the first week!  I enjoyed the holidays and didn’t restrict myself much but I will be glad to get back on an eating routine.  Fruit. Veggies. and Meat!

 

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I love this shot of Lynn and the kids.  :)

 

Well.  That’s about it.  I hope and pray that you felt love all around you this Christmas! 

Have a great day!

 

How was your Christmas???

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Good Morning and a Merry Christmas to you!!

 

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Just popping in for a quick hello :)

 

I know that everyone has been waiting for this day to get here and I hope that you have a happy day! 

Lots of kiddos opening presents this morning and getting super cool toys and electronic devices.  Take a moment to look around you and remember how amazing life is and how amazing it is to be in that moment.

 

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My fur-sister of course had to get in on all of the Christmas action.  She’s cute in her new coat but oh my goodness she does not like it on!

 

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The last few days have been cloudy and rainy so I am so glad to see the sunshine this morning!  It’s still cool but I don’t mind it so much :)

 

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I hope you have a wonderful day and a wonderful Christmas! 

Wonderful Time

Here we go! The last couple of days before Christmas!!  I don’t know about you but I am ready for the next two days to go by fast!  I only work half a day Wednesday (Christmas Eve) and I am off Thursday.  Ready to get my Christmas on!

 

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Saturday night I went over to my brothers house to have dinner and watch It’s A Wonderful Life…..  I love that movie.

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From left to right…. My snl’s (Lynn) feet, my brothers feet and then mine.  Yes, I wear flip-flops in the winter. 

I love that movie and I love the message that it brings.  It’s proof of how much we impact the people that we come in contact with.  It’s either going to be in a positive way or a negative one.

 

My niece got my cell phone and took a bunch of pictures….

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My brother was being a Grinch that night.

The kiddo’s actually came out and spent the night with me.  We stayed up and watched Home Alone!  It was so funny…..my nephew had never seen it before and he laughed and laughed!

 

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I love them to bits!! 

 

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Lynn and Dalton… so sweet!

 

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I got my first Christmas gift!!!

My sweet friend Jessica got me Trisha Yearwood’s cookbook, an awesome spatula and of course a super cool coffee cup!  I was so excited!  Isn’t it a pretty purple?!? 

 

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Playing around with my phone.  :)

 

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Don’t you just love that face?  My lil man was extra clingy to his human this weekend.

 

Workouts:

So I have consistently worked out for four days in a row and can already feel the difference!  I love muscle memory.  One of the things that I have been doing with my workouts, is really concentrating on doing the moves correctly. 

Basically starting from scratch again has made me feel each and every muscle that I am working.  This is also the main reason that I have been sticking to the modification on the strenuous moves.  Concentration folks.  Concentration.

My workout this morning was the Pilates Fix from the 21 Day Fix workout! 

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Refueled with a Gingerbread Shakeo drink!!

  • 1 cup of cold water
  • 1 scoop of chocolate Shakeology
  • 1/2 tsp of ginger
  • 1/2 tsp of cinnamon
  • 1/2 cup of ice

Mix well and enjoy!   It was so good!!

 

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Have a wonderful Tuesday!!! :)