Faith Fitness and Laughter

Inner Conflict

on May 23, 2012

Hello!  I hope your Wednesday wasn’t too hard on ya.  Mine went by really fast and we even got a little busy right at the very end.  You would think staying open until 6:00 was long enough, no…..it isn’t.  🙂

I am just going to get right to it.  As you can see in the title of my blog, my faith is very important to me.  Here is what I believe:

  • I believe that Jesus came to Earth as a baby
  • I believe that He walked on Earth, fully man and yet fully God
  • I believe that He died for our sins
  • I believe that He rose from the dead
  • I believe that He went to Heaven to prepare a place for His children
  • I believe that He is coming again
  • I believe that He sent the Holy Spirit to help us
  • I believe that we should not forsake the assembling of church (church being the people)
  • I believe that it is important to surround yourself with like-minded people

With that said, I have really struggled this last year with some specific things that I won’t really go into detail about.  Honestly, I wouldn’t know where to start.  To feel so far away from what I believe is an excruciatingly, lonely place.  I truly believe that having a relationship with the Lord is the only way to make it through difficult times.  If you are not in the midst of a storm, He is preparing you to be in one.  One of the reasons I believe that is because this isn’t Heaven.  Being comfortable is not part of the plan.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that being a Christian is all about struggles and sorrows.  There are blessings and wonderful things and it can be about knowing where to turn to during those tough times.

One of the things that I have really struggled with is whether or not to move to another church.  I have literally grown up in the church that I attend currently.  My parents are there, my brother and his family are there, I have friends there, and my childhood Sunday School teacher is there.  There is history.  I love them very much.  I get to see my niece and nephew learn so much about the Lord!  In fact, typing this out makes me very emotional.  I don’t know if it’s that I want or need a fresh start in a church or what, but I just feel off.

I teach the first, second, and third graders in Sunday school and enjoy it very much, but sometimes I wonder if someone else should be doing it.  Part of the struggles that I have experienced this last year have spilled over into every aspect of my life.  Sometimes I wonder if I continue to teach out of guilt because there aren’t enough workers.  Then I feel guilty for um…..feeling guilty.   It’s crazy how my mind works.  Some days I feel like I just show up out of guilt for wanting to seek out another place to worship.  I feel guilty for not wanting to stick it out until the end.  The end being part of the process that my church is going through at this time.

**Insert heavy sigh** 

Be sure of this.  I don’t, in any way, tell you these things to give you a bad taste in your mouth for churches, or a church family.  I don’t tell you these things to sway you against believing or to push my beliefs down your throat.  I am only here because of this church family and have been able to do so many wonderful things because of them.

I don’t know if it’s God moving me or if I have just allowed satan to run free…………or both.  Whatever is going on, it’s affected friendships and relationships in the church.  It’s as if I see things so differently now.

Know this.  Christ embodied love when He died for our sins.  That Love is what motivates us to love others.  Even when Christ was dying, He was putting others before Himself.

One of the things that comes to my mind is the story of The Empty Chair.   Have you ever heard of it?  It brings me to tears every.single.time I read it.

I can’t tell you how difficult this was for me to write.  Sometimes I think that people look at me and expect me to have it all together spiritually. I know that is silly, but I do feel that.  I don’t.  Far from it.

**Insert another heavy sigh**

Thank you so much for allowing me to share this with you.

 

…and in other news…

This morning when I woke up my tummy didn’t feel all that great, in fact, I was down right nauseated.  So much so, that I ended up taking some anti-nausea meds and heading right back to bed.  I was so afraid that I was going to have to call my boss!!  I just want to be well!!

I was so thankful that the meds made me feel better, enough to get in the shower and get ready for the day.  No breakfast though.  Ugh.

About 10:00 a.m. however, I started to feel like I could hold something down.  What was it you ask?

 

I know the ladies at our local Subway and they fixed me right up!  I just got a plain english muffin with some egg whites, spinach and half a slice of pepper jack cheese.  I also had a Skinny Mocha from McDonald’s.

 

Lunch:

On my lunch break I headed to the local Wal-mart and gathered some items that I needed and rushed to the house to put them away, started a load of laundry and made up a Cranberry Smoothie.

This is what everyone saw as they met me in traffic.  🙂

 

Have you ever met my second born??

 

He sheds like the dickens!!  He is so sweet though.  His name is Rocky and he is just a hoot.  He has the whiniest little meow.  I think he was so shocked that I allowed him to get on my bed, but I was changing my sheets today so it was all good.

Workout:

I still haven’t received my Insanity package, so I got my sweat on with Amy Dixon in Breathless.  This is such a great workout!  If you like the Tabata style workouts you will love this.  🙂  As always, I was sporting my Sweat Pink Shoelaces!

 

Ok, I am off to brush my teeth, and go to bed.  Have a great night and I will see ya tomorrow!

 

 

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4 responses to “Inner Conflict

  1. Look at those kitty eyes! Too cute! I hope you are feeling better, about life and with your belly! Best wishes and keep your head up!

  2. Maren says:

    I really like the subway breakfast sandwiches. So tasty.

  3. (G) Brandi, choosing a church to attend is an important part of a religious person’s life, as you know. If you are looking for suggestions read on. If not, no need to continue reading. I am a friend of your parents here in MV.

    My wife and I travel a lot as full-time Rvers and visit a lot of churches. We are long time members of a large Methodist church in San Antonio. One of the best things about visiting other churches is that we see what they do and what kind of “feeling” we get there. It runs a wide gamut of experience. I know you have responsibilities now at your church teaching the little disciples, but you might gain some perspective by visiting other churches in your area and see what you find. Sometimes we get too involved to enjoy the spiritual aspect of church going. Religion and spirituality are different animals, as you no doubt realize. The more earthly religious structure can gain too much prominence and take over the relationship we are trying to build with God and His son on a personal level. That is the goal we are aiming for anyway. So, my suggestion for your current decision is to visit some other churches (I know the history you have and the family and friends in your church now will make that hard maybe) and to find some way to lighten your load at your current church so you can look more at the spiritual part of your relationship with Our Father In Heaven. We found that we are always very happy to return to our home church when we go back.

    You are an adult and I know you are respected by your parents. Your church life is yours to live, not theirs nor your friend’s so that is part of being grown up. i wish you the best and expect you will continue to talk to God and maybe more important, listen. Galen

    • Thank you so much! “The more earthly religious structure can gain too much prominence and take over the relationship we are trying to build with God and His son on a personal level.” This is exactly what keeps coming to my mind. I have put not hurting anyone at my church, if I made this decision, before my relationship with Christ. We had a really great service at our church yesterday and it was exactly what my soul desperately needed to hear. I know that it is ok to desire to be around a different group of people, a different church. Have I made the decision to leave? No. But it is ok for me to visit other places. Thank you so much Galen for your kind words. My parents are really fortunate to have friends like you. God bless. 🙂

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