Faith Fitness and Laughter

I Will Have

on April 20, 2013

Good morning my friends.. Smile   How are you today?   It’s Saturday!   I have to work and then I am meeting my friend about cleaning her house, so my Saturday is going to be full.  What do you have planned today?  Anything fun and exciting?  Sunday after church I am thinking that I will head to get in a hike before the week starts.  The weather is supposed to be good so I want to take advantage of it too!

 

I was trying and trying to come up with a topic in the post and I was still stuck, but I wanted to share some things that I will have

 

Let me tell ya, this last month has been pretty difficult.  My faith has been tested.  The boundaries of what I am able to give has been tested.  My trusting nature has been tested.  My strength has been tested.

First let me say that I am so blessed to have people in my life that care about me.  I have a family that I know that I can turn to and that they will not sugar coat anything.  My sister-n-law is one of the godliest women that I know and I love her very much.  I am so glad that God brought her to my brother.

My parents are not here right now, but even over the phone they are loving and yes….harsh.  Smile

My friends.  I have a group of ladies at my church that I love so much.  When I am dealing with something, unfortunately it’s all over my face.  Something I wish that I could change, but it is what it is.  Even though it hurts when someone says, “Are you alright?” I know that these ladies love me and care about me.  These ladies want the very best for me and love me and I couldn’t ask for more than that.

I don’t know what people do without a church family, I really don’t.

 

I have a beautiful niece and nephew who give the best hugs……………ever.

 

Without going into details, that just really aren’t necessary, my friendship/relationship did end with Kevin.  Something that I really did want to work out because I had prayed and prayed for someone like him.  For whatever reason though, it just didn’t work out.  And you know what, I am ok with that.  I really do need someone that can be honest with me and be themselves with me.  I deserve that.  I also deserve someone who can let go of their past and look to the future.   It’s not anyone’s fault, so I will not spill out the details, but it just didn’t pan out. 

I really did hope for it though.  I really did.

 

One of the things that I wanted to be upfront with you guys is that my health and strength isn’t all that great.  I have continued to lose weight and unfortunately it wasn’t in a healthy way.  I can remember when I was younger I would deal with things by just eating and eating, but it seems that the older that I have gotten it’s the other way around.  I don’t eat.  I mean there have been days that just the thought of putting food in my mouth made me feel so sick.  This has had an overall effect on my health and strength. 

This is why I need someone to be honest with me.  To trust me enough to tell me that if it’s not going to work out, rip the dang band aide off for the love of Pete.

The eating has gotten better, but it’s not where it should be. 

 

 

I Will Have:

 

  1. I will have someone that loves me and accepts me for me
  2. I will have a peace and joy that comes only from Christ
  3. I will have a good life
  4. I will have someone who is over their ex-girlfriend.  For dealing with ex’s seems to be my lot in life.
  5. I will have a new pair of running shoes
  6. I will draw strength from God and my family and friends
  7. I will love someone with complete abandon…..and they will like it.
  8. I will give free hugs to my niece and nephew…..or is it the other way around?
  9. I will eat more calories (good calories)
  10. I will enter a race
  11. I will have someone that can be honest with me and tell me the truth, even if it hurts.  I will not have someone that tells me one thing and tells someone else another. 
  12. I will have hope for the future
  13. I will have a different bra size…. unfortunately this has happened
  14. I will have more quiet time
  15. I will have 15 “I will have’s”

 

 

So there you have it.  My fear of rejection continues to build…. But you know what?  I have a God that doesn’t do that.  That loves me even though I am an insecure knot head.  That loves me when I feel that I can’t put a smile on my face.  That loves me when I try to control a situation.  That loves me when I am stubborn and bullheaded.  That loves me enough to cover my mistakes and ignorance.  That loves me enough to die so that I could have mercy and grace everyday. 

 

 

I am off to work guys!   I hope you have a great day!  Maybe I’ll check in with ya later… I wanted to share some of the songs that I am loving right now. Smile

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4 responses to “I Will Have

  1. I am super behind on blogging so I am just reading this. Sorry to hear about everything that happened. 😦

  2. Just catching up on your posts Brandi, and I’m sorry that it’s been such a difficult period for you. I remember you taking a break from blogging but obviously didn’t know why or what for – these difficult periods come to all of us but I know at the time, it is hard to imagine seeing out the other side. I’m really glad you’ve been able to find support and love in those around you since this time and that you’re slowly putting one foot in front of the other with moving forward. It’s really tough, but the good periods in life are always that much sweeter for having gone through the bad ones.

    On a final note – I think long distance relationships are generally recognised as being really, really difficult, even if you’ve been together ‘in person’ for a while first. Whatever ended up happening with you and Kevin, don’t take it personally!

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