Faith Fitness and Laughter

Coming to a place of…

on April 26, 2013

Morning my friends!   It’s Friday!!  Thank goodness!  This week has been a good one for me.  Well, and a long one.  Let’s catch up..

 

35 Days

 

A Little Hiking and A Little Baking

 

I’m Gonna

 

What’s been long about it?  Part of it is that this week has revealed some things about myself that I want to work on.  I am a professed Control freak and Perfectionist.   These are things that I actually find comfort in and help me get through the day.  The problem?  When things don’t go the way that I want them, I have a tendency to freak out and do things that I don’t like.  Part of my struggle is that I know that I am not in control of anything.  God is.  He fills our lives with ordained moments that are simply a memory to Him.  That is our lives.  He already knows how it’s all going to play out.  My problem?  When I want to know how it’s all going to play out, I want to run ahead of Him and see how.  I do believe that He reveals things to us about our paths and our lives, but when we want to know everything, it runs the risk of us having an “all-knowing” attitude.  I don’t think that I could emotionally handle or physically handle knowing how my life is going to play out.  He knows this about me/us. 

So what does this mean?

 

I am not sure and I find beauty in that.

I was talking to my mom last night and I was telling her that I was so ready to move on and move forward and yet the tears still come.  Why?  Part of the reason is that I don’t feel “in control” of the situation.  I feel a mess with it.

Having unanswered questions.

Questions that I will never know the answer to. 

How someone could be one way and then completely turn around and do something else. 

How can you trust someone when they tell you one thing and then do another?

What makes someone change their mind?

Are they rejecting you?

How in the world can they tell you they want a new life and then go back to their old one?

How do you get past the hope of something?

Was any of it real or was it just a means to an end?

Do they even feel sad about it?

Or is it just me that feels that way?

What does this person think of me?

Was I this huge mistake and lesson learned?

 

These are very random and frankly one-sided, but it’s the thoughts that run through my head on a daily basis.  I wake up every morning ready to face the day and move forward and then something will happen and take me to a place where I don’t like.

I just want to come to a place of Peace.  Stop putting so much stock in the fact that this one person doesn’t want me.  Stop relying on what others think of me and live in grace. 

Get out of my self-pity party.

 

 

Moving on….

 

Workout:

 

30minbunnburnwalk

 

 

I did stumble upon this great blog the other day and I have really enjoyed reading it so much…

I also found this great treadmill workout!   With some slight modifications I did this when I got home from work last night and was a hot sweaty mess!

 

 

Thank you for reading my rant today…. 

 

 

Have a great Friday! 

Advertisements

6 responses to “Coming to a place of…

  1. Dear, this post breaks my heart! I just want to hug you! Inner peace is such a tough thing, and I really hope that you find it. God is there with you, and that should be reassuring in itself!

  2. Oh Brandi, just want to give you a hug. I hope that things improve for you. 😦

  3. chasingchels says:

    This is an incredibly honest post, love, and you demonstrate your strength and courage in sharing this yet again. I think this is something that many people struggle with (I know i do), but in the end, i think we just have to learn to accept that we may never have all the answers and that’s ok. Mysteries in life keep it interesting, right? You are a beautiful and amazing person, Brandi. One day at a time, love….it will get easier, I promise ❤

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: