Faith Fitness and Laughter

Do I get angry?

on April 27, 2013

Saturday and it’s cloudy.  It’s raining too…That’s ok, I get to keep my niece and nephew tonight and I am pretty happy about that.  They really do give the best hugs.  In fact, last night I needed one so I drove over to their house and got not one, but two!  I asked my nephew Dalton to give me a hug and he put up one finger and said, “you’re not leaving yet” and I told him that I wasn’t, but that I would probably get another hug before I left.  Smile 

 

Thank you guys so much for the support with yesterdays post.  That is why I love the blogging world so much.  The support and encouragement that you get really is amazing. 

 

How in the world can things change so fast?  I was talking to my sister-n-law last night and I told her that I was just so tired.  Tired of feeling like I had done something.  Tired of feeling like I was this horrible person and that I just wasn’t good enough for this person.  Tired of feeling guilty about something that really has nothing to do with me.  Tired of being told things only to feel lied to. 

Was it something that I said?  Or the way that I acted?  I am tired of rehashing things over in my head trying to figure all of these things out.  Tired. 

 

Here’s the thing.  I have yet to get mad about any of it.  In fact, I still want to reach out and stay in contact.  Knowing that this doesn’t help anything at all. 

 

All of these feelings stem back to the fact that I worry about what others think.  It saddens me to think that Kevin would have ill feelings toward me or think that I am someone that isn’t worthy of having a relationship with.  It breaks my heart to think that he is happy to have me out of his life.  That he would rather be around someone that caused him so much pain and heartache than me.  It breaks my heart to think that he would feel like he wasn’t using his head.   Keep in mind, I don’t know if he feels these things, but my mind races to every negative thought. 

 

I want to push past this and get to a point where it doesn’t hurt so much.  Everyday does get better though and it does hurt less and less.  I just don’t want this to affect how I trust people and take them at their word.  I assume people are going to be honest and be trustworthy, but that isn’t always the case.   I also assume that people are honest with themselves. 

 

I just want a relationship that draws me closer to Christ.  This is what a relationship should do.  I don’t want to be co-dependent on a relationship that isn’t healthy.  That brings out the worst in me.  That makes me feel bad to be in.  I want commitment, openness, trust, goodness, love.  Things that I feel like I deserve.

 

Thanks so much for allowing me to share this with you guys. 

 

 

Dinner:

 

I did make the best dinner last night when I got home from work. 

 

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I can of cannellini beans, two turkey sausage links, and a large handful of spinach (put in a food processor)

I cooked the turkey links before I put them in the beans and then put the spinach in…

This was so good…

 

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I could have probably put in more spinach!!

 

 

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I have also enjoyed these lately….. 

 

 

So how does someone move past a broken heart?    This feeling of rejection??  This feeling of embarrassment and egg on the face?

 

  1. Unplug.  This is something I am going to do more of. 
  2. Be around my family.  So many times I just want to close myself off to the quiet and just be alone.  To stay in my sadness and not feel anything.
  3. Get out.  I plan to get outside as much as I can and the weather permitting.
  4. Pray. 
  5. Read.
  6. Focus on someone else.

 

 

 

I hope that where ever you are today, you are having a great one Smile

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