Faith Fitness and Laughter

40 Plus One Day

My sweet friends 🙂 




40 years young plus one day doesn’t feel so bad 🙂

Not that everyone has to have their birthday off, I sure am glad that I did. 



birthday pizza and cheesecake!



Can you even stand it???  Spending my birthday with my family was the best thing ever but most of all spending it with this little girl was too!




She stayed by me pretty much all day but I didn’t mind it at all…  🙂


Yesterday I kept my dad pretty busy by rearranging my room a bit…





Oh the struggle is real people!!


If you know me, then you know I like things to be clean and in order.  My niece asked me one day…..”is cleaning your favorite thing to do?”  lol….. Some think that it is… 🙂

I find it funny that others don’t like to clean!  lol!

It’s actually not my favorite thing to do but I do like things to be clean.  There is a difference.

Because I spend most of my time in my room….working out, sleeping, watching tv, reading…etc.  I like my space to be neat and clean.  Is it always?  Uh, no. 

It’s my domain.

It’s my space.

It’s my gym.

It’s my church.

It’s my pity party room.

It’s my dance fever party place.

It’s my cuddle place with my fur-babies.

It’s my sleepover room with my niece and nephew and there is always a Scooby-doo movie involved or the movie Annie.

It’s my happy place….which means….

It’s my sad place.



It was such a beautiful day yesterday!  The weather was AMAZING!



So this happened Monday or was it Tuesday?

Plantain tortillas.

Um, I don’t think the plantains were ripe enough because they were NOT good.

Here is the recipe that I used:

  • 2 plantains (large)
  • 3 tbsp of coconut oil (melted)
  • pinch of salt
  • 2 egg whites

I am not sure if maybe there were too many of the other ingredients or the fact that the plantains were not ripe enough but yack.

I will be attempting this recipe again.

Any suggestions that I might try or change???



Currently binging on the above.

Just three more seasons to go!! 



L.O.V.E this song!!


I hope you had an amazing day!! 

1 Comment »

Self Harm

So this is going to be another one of those hard posts and frankly I feel very vulnerable in doing so but I also think it’s important to talk about the hard stuff.  I went to church yesterday with my family and it was good to be there.  I sat up in the control box with my brother because I think he is cool.




So lets get to the hard stuff. 

Self Harm.

As you read this, please keep in mind that I am not diagnosing myself with anything or am I advising you on each of these topics.  This is mainly to just express the fact that there are things I think we can do to ourselves without even thinking about it or evening thinking that we are self-harming ourselves.

Please bear with me. 

As I look back over my life and in thinking about the things that I struggle with, I have realized there are particular things that I do to deal.

Lets get started.


1.  Let’s go ahead and get the ugly one out of the way shall we?  Sex.  In nearly every relationship that I have been in, I have used this to fill a void that I was missing.  When that person began to pull away or not want to be with me anymore, I would end up degrading myself by using sex to keep that person.  To feel something.  Surely if they do this with me, they love me right?  Wrong.  Something that used to be so sacred to me I have just thrown away on men who really didn’t deserve it.  Don’t get me wrong I haven’t had that many partners but one is enough when it comes to this.  Even the most recent man that I was seeing I used this. Somehow you don’t even think about it, you just do it.  You want so badly for that person to love you that you compromise everything that you value.  Even yourself.  You desperately want to be touched that you settle for something dirty.  I lost my virginity when I was 30 and even as I type that out, it sounds very immature. I have experienced all of my “firsts” as an adult.  I have treated something so beautiful horribly and made it trash. And shall I say that most men (not all) are willing participants.

Not only does this harm me physically but spiritually.  I carry this around with me everyday like a backpack filled with rocks.  Heavy ones.  Everyday. 


2.  Food.  Something that I know most people can relate to…….. over-eating.  When things in my life feel very out of control, I can always control food.  Happy, eat.  Bored, eat.  Stressed, eat.  Depressed, eat.  Feel alone, eat.  Lonely, eat.  All of which can result in weight-gain, depression, fatigue, and illness. For me, when this takes place, my body tends to crave the bad stuff and then it becomes this endless cycle of eating junk and nothing healthy.  


3.  Exercising.  I can remember when I discovered the fact that I loved to workout.  There is something about the way you feel when you are finished that is so great!  But I have also been known to do too much.  As I age, I have noticed that I am more apt to get an injury or jacked muscle when it comes to working out,  especially when my diet is off. 


4.  Spending.  Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that I would struggle with money.  I don’t have bad credit or anything but man there have been many times that I have purchased something that I really didn’t need only to feel so much guilt and shame over it later. 


5.  Interfering with healing.  Sadly this one is more embarrassing to me than the whole sex thing.  If I have a sore, especially a small one, I will pick it to death.  Sounds weird I know, but it’s the truth.  There is something that actually happens when I do it.  I feel something.   A release of sorts.  Sounds even weirder I know.  I have had a place that has been on my body since last March because I won’t leave it alone. Time and time again I’ll go to it out of habit and just pick.  It’s embarrassing and gross and frankly something I didn’t think that I would even admit or tell someone about. 


Here is the definition of self-harm:

The act of hurting one self deliberately.  Causing harm or to injure. 






There you have it.

I didn’t share these things to make you look at me differently nor did I share them because I love to share.  I think that we are so afraid to share the ugly, hard stuff that we hold all of this inside and let me tell ya, it has to come out somehow, someway.  All of these things, in some way, has damaged me and most importantly damaged my relationship with Christ. 

Because my relationship with Him isn’t right, I have allowed these things to run my life. 


This past Sunday I walked away from the sermon with this.  Repent. 

The conversation with my brother.  Repent.

To be able to move forward and let go of these things, I must seek forgiveness. 

I must also forgive myself.









Emma makes me smile.


It’s my birthday today and I am officially in the 40 club.  🙂

But as I end this post, I feel very thankful. 

Thankful for my family and thankful for you.

But most of all, thankful for God’s unending love, mercy and grace.




Does this look stupid?

So lately I have been asking, “does this look stupid?”  Mainly when it comes to the clothes that I am wearing.  You dig through your closet to find something to wear and you end up throwing something together that might not even match.  Then come the dreaded words out of your mouth that you have been thinking….. Does this look stupid?


Why do we ask such things?  And what does that say about us? 



What we are wearing may not match, but it certainly doesn’t warrant the word stupid

I looked up the definition of stupid and here is what I came up with:


Lacking intelligence or common sense.  Ignorant.  Dense.  Foolish.  Dull-witted.  Slow. 


Oh I could go on with some of the things that are out there!!


Here’s the thing….

I don’t like the word stupid.  It’s a negative word.  When most people use it, we are tearing down not building up and I really don’t like the fact that I have used that word a lot lately. 

So!  No more stupid comments!! 


How about a photo dump!?!










































There you have it!!  

1 Comment »

The Struggle

This post is actually going to be very difficult for me to write.  You see, it’s about my faith.  Something I found very easy to write about or talk about, I find difficult.  For many reasons, but partly because it’s something that I am struggling with and have for a long time now.

I can’t even pinpoint a time or place where the struggle began but at this point, it doesn’t matter. 

This season of my life has been very long. 

Very long.

I went to church this past Sunday and it was good to be there but as I sat there listening to the sermon I felt all sorts of things going on but mainly feelings of anger. 

This is my struggle.

I am just angry.

And how can I love Jesus and be angry all of the time?

And what is it that I am angry about?

How come I can’t let it go?


I think sometimes we can end up angry at the world and not even know it.  You become desensitized by everything around you and you become this robot of reactions and responses that your mind and body have memorized. 

That sentence felt weird to type out.

Nearly my entire life has been surrounded by something that had to do with my faith.  If the doors were open, I was there.  Missions trips.  Sunday school with the kiddo’s.  It seems different now.  We did have some things that happened at our church a while back that in the end, I just felt so burned out and churched out.  I kept asking myself, “what’s the point anymore?”  As Christians, we can forget the “good news”.  The news of Jesus and the fact that He died for our sins so that we can be with our Creator.  Forever.

He also died so that our lives here can be more abundant. 


Please bare with me.


When I got home from church Sunday, I text a friend of mine and this is what it said….

I am not sure where to begin this but as I sat in church this morning, I felt so much anger.  Mainly at how my life has turned out.  I really did think that my life would look differently than it does and I guess I’m pretty angry about it. 

I’m not married.

I’ll never have children.

I don’t even have a significant other.

I know this is why I come on so strong to men when they show an interest.

I’m not living right and I know it.

The thing that scares me the most is that I feel indifferent about it.

Indifferent about church.

Indifferent about telling others about Him.

About praying

About reading His word

I love Jesus and I know He died for me but what I bring to the table, my family, to church, to Sunday school, to anything is false and frankly, I’m tired of pretending.  I feel alone and cant make people understand where I’m coming from. 

I just feel so fake.



And I am just so tired of it.


It’s really hard to make someone understand where you are coming from when these things are going through your head.  Especially when someone comes to you out of love.  I know they love me and out of that love they encourage me but most of the time, I just feel judged.  I was speaking to a gentleman Sunday that I have so much respect for as a man of God and the entire time I was thinking in my head…. “you’re judging me”…..”Mr. Judgy pants”.  Knowing that this person would never do that! 

If I can’t bring my very best to Him and it’s not sincere, then I don’t want to pretend that it is. 


Still with me? 

I hope so.



I feel that my heart is too dirty to even bring to Him and His throne.  I have allowed satan to use my insecurities and fears and manipulate my thoughts.  But hear me out.  It’s not like I got up one day and was like…”oh I think I’ll be indifferent about my relationship with Jesus.  In fact, I’m just going to live like I want to.”  It’s not something that happens overnight. 

As Casting Crowns sings, “It’s a Slow Fade”


Oh how I want to be the way that I was.  Excited to be in church.  Around my brothers and sisters.  Worshiping together.  Wanting to go on mission trips.  Serving in my church.

But it’s not that way right now. 




I’m just at a loss.  I know where to go and what to do but I have forgotten how to get there.  I feel like something has been taken away or removed and don’t know how to get it back.

I have things in my life that excite me but the one excitement I truly miss and want is gone.  I have interests and hobbies but they can never bring me true happiness.

Can I ever be content with how my life is at this very moment? 


My goal with this post is really just to be honest with myself and put it out there. 


I hope you hung in there with me 🙂


**Things are better.  I am reading in the morning before work and that is helping**


Happy New Year-plus one!!

Well I don’t know about you but I had the best New Years Day! I was able to spend it with this amazing little girl!


The night before she had spent the night with a little friend and they went to Build-A-Bear to pick up “Annie”  😉


Our first stop was to get our toes done up for the New Year!!


Erin’s toes are on the top and mine are on the bottom 🙂

I always enjoy a good pedicure and I especially enjoyed getting one with my niece but dang that water was cold!  And so were his hands!  This pedicure came with a scrub and my niece and I both agree we could have done without that especially since it was so stinkin cold!



Our second stop of course was at Starbucks to get some hot chocolate and coffee.



Erin got a chocolate cake pop….. she said, “I believe I’ll try the vanilla next time.”  lol



Did I mention that it rained us the whole time?  It did.  And it was cold!

After we left Starbucks, we headed to Target so the birthday girl could pick out an outfit.

Jeans and a sweater!  No picture…..I don’t know what I was thinking!

By now we were starting to get hungry so we went to have lunch and then headed toward home.

It was a good day!






I have been struggling with my shoulder for a while now.  I am not sure what happened or when it occurred but I have lots of little knots all around it and up my neck.  I can’t even rotate all the way to the left. 

What does this mean?

I can’t workout.

I had finally gotten into a routine again with my workouts and this happens.  I think however that whatever had happened, had not healed yet or properly.  This really frustrates me!  I want so bad to workout!! 

This is where I am going to take a breath and concentrate on my eating.  Working out isn’t a problem for me.  I love it……when my body can do it that is.  It’s my eating.  Everyone goes through seasons in their life that this can get off track so I am going to take full advantage of it.



I need more of this!!



Question:  How do you handle injuries?


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