Faith Fitness and Laughter

Healing Completely

on August 18, 2015

So how do you start a post when so much has happened since the last time you posted anything?  Do you explain detail by detail of what occurred?  Or, do you write the short version? 

To be honest, I wouldn’t really know where to begin. 

I really do mean it when I say…… so much has happened 🙂

I can honestly say that I felt like my life was spiraling out of control.  I didn’t recognize myself and thought how in the world could things be so different.  I will be honest and tell you that I finally reached a point where I just didn’t want to go on anymore and my only option was to seek help.  No, not a therapist.  I woke up on a Sunday morning and felt so extremely low that I was ready for God to just take me home.  I was tired of hurting and tired of being so sad all of the time.  I spent the next three days in bed.  In the dark.  Wishing that each time that I just wouldn’t wake up. 

Depression is real my friends.

Sadness that is so overwhelming.

Despair.

The darkness you just want to climb into like a bed.

Everything and nothing hurts.

Pretending to be ok when everything inside is shattered.

 

The smartest thing that I did was reach out to a pastor friend of mine for some help.  He is a mentor but I do not see him on a daily basis so I knew he could give me sound biblical advice and separate the fact that he is my friend.  He was aware of some things that was going on in my live and the way that I was currently living. 

It’s ironic that as a Christian, we still somehow can get caught off guard or surprised by the despair and sadness in our lives when it’s not in line with following Christ. I just felt so lost.  Alone and yet I wanted it that way.  I wanted God to take my pain away but I didn’t want to sacrifice anything for Him to do that. 

 

 

 

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Scripture.  God’s Word.  Something that I knew would help heal me and yet I couldn’t bring myself to even read it.  If  I did read it, it wouldn’t make sense and certainly applying it to my life seemed impossible. 

I just didn’t want to.

I even told my pastor friend this and his response was simply……. “Everybody does things that they don’t want to”.  We spoke for about an hour and a half and he even gave me an assignment to do but most importantly he told me that I needed to be in God’s Word and that I also needed to be in church.  He recommended that I visit a church where no one knew me so that I could just worship………..heal…….completely. 

So I did.

I also began doing a bible study in the morning before work.  At first I didn’t really want to set still for that long but slowly.  Surely.  I started looking forward to meeting with my Father again.

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It’s been an amazing journey so far figuring out God’s plan for my life.  No longer do I want to just muddle through life and exist.  I want to live my life and find joy and peace in doing so.  When I decided to surrender my pain, almost instantly the weight lifted.  Gone is the desire to stay in darkness.  Gone is the sadness.  Gone is the pain.  Gone is the despair. 

 

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So what does this mean for me?

 

 

It means life. 

 

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One response to “Healing Completely

  1. Jeanine says:

    Great post. It is so good to let people know that being a Christian does not mean you cannot struggle with depression. I too have been through it. I remember doubting my faith because if it was just strong enough this would not be happening to me. Depression is a medical condition and it is real. It can happen to anyone. I am happy to see that you are doing better and on the path to healing. I love you and am proud to call you my friend.

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