Faith Fitness and Laughter

My Giant

As I begin this post, I am not really sure how to even start it.  I have been listening to the Goliath Must Fall series by Louie Giglio and it has opened my eyes to Gods word in a way that I am loving.  First let me say that if you have not heard of this series, you need to go listen to it now.

 

Goliath Must Fall

Goliath Must Fall: Fear Must Fall

Goliath Must Fall: Rejection Must Fall

Goliath Must Fall: Comfort Must Fall

Goliath Must Fall: Anger Must Fall

Goliath Must Fall: Addiction Must Fall

 

It’s worth the listen.

 

What I am finding out, and what I have known for a very long time, is that my giant is the fear of being rejection.  Oh don’t get me wrong, I have experienced all of them but its rejection that is the root of the struggle that I have.

Louie touches on the fact that many will say to themselves, “I have NO problem with rejection!”

But they do have cousins:

  • Insecurities
  • low self worth
  • low self esteem
  • obsessive compulsive
  • perfectionist
  • self hate

It’s amazing how one word from someone can impact your life.  It can cripple you.  Force you to look outside yourself for the answers.  Force you to seek approval from another person. 

 

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We can have such an overwhelming fear of being rejected that we forget how it is to truly live and interact with people.  I have gone an entire weekend and not had one conversation with another human being. 

 

The good part?

We don’t have to live in a way that is demoralizing. 

God wants us to live free.

He wants us to know that He has already won the victory.

Jesus has already taken down that giants that we struggle with.

God wants to be the liberator of our lives!

It can change.

 

We don’t have to live a life that says, “Yes God is great…….but not great enough for this”. 

We can truly live a life and still be vulnerable with others.

We don’t have to hide from others, who we really are.

We can live a life where we don’t compare ourselves to others. 

 

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We have to remember that we are fearfully and wonderfully made and that we don’t have to compare ourselves to others. 

 

When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you care mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?  Psalm 8:3

 

 

For you formed my inward parts, you knitted me together in my mothers womb.  I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.  My frame is not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written everyone of them.  Psalm 139:13

 

 

I’m not perfect.

I don’t have it all together.

I feel broken sometimes.

I compare myself to the instagram life.

I hide my pain.

I struggle with loving someone.

I feel shame and guilt sometimes.

My insecurities can run my life…….daily.

 

But……

 

Jesus died on the Cross knowing this about me and loving me anyway. 

I can run to Him and He accepts me for who I am.

 

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Dealing with…Anything

Well good morning!  I’m setting here enjoying a protein smoothie (post workout) and a cup of coffee with my mom 🙂

 

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(taken a couple of months back)

 

I am truly feeling blessed this morning.  Blessed to be alive and blessed beyond measure to still be enjoying my parents.  They’re doing what they love…..RV’ing…….and I still get to spend time with them. 

 

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This is my dad as a baby…. 🙂

 

 

This mornings bible study was about anxiety and how we allow it to run our lives.  There is freedom my sweet friends.  There is a way out of anxiety and depression controlling our every decision.  You see, God is not a source of anxiety, fear is.  God also doesn’t intend for us to deal with anxiety.  I mean what exists that you can’t trust God with?  Nothing. 

I don’t have to fret and worry or be anxious for anything when it comes to my BIG God.  He didn’t say, “lay it down gently”.  He said…..”cast your burden down”! 

I want to share just some of the things that might cause us to be anxious or fearful:

  • feeling of inadequacy
  • attempt to change things I have no control over
  • failure to trust God to provide our needs
  • priorities are misplaced
  • attempting to live tomorrow, today

We don’t have to live this way my sweet friends!  

 

  • You are enough
  • you can’t control everything
  • you can trust God with every need
  • my priority is in Him
  • I can trust Him enough to live just for today!

 

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Ok….. so my best friend is going to kill me for posting this picture!  But I just booked my flight to go see her in October!!!  Agh!!  I can’t wait!  

I told her that I didn’t care if we just took naps and went to Starbucks the entire time I was there……..lol. 

I do think that going trick-or-treating will be apart of the plan…  Aaaaaand, they have a Trader Joe’s! 

 

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Have a beautiful day!

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Self Harm

So this is going to be another one of those hard posts and frankly I feel very vulnerable in doing so but I also think it’s important to talk about the hard stuff.  I went to church yesterday with my family and it was good to be there.  I sat up in the control box with my brother because I think he is cool.

 

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So lets get to the hard stuff. 

Self Harm.

As you read this, please keep in mind that I am not diagnosing myself with anything or am I advising you on each of these topics.  This is mainly to just express the fact that there are things I think we can do to ourselves without even thinking about it or evening thinking that we are self-harming ourselves.

Please bear with me. 

As I look back over my life and in thinking about the things that I struggle with, I have realized there are particular things that I do to deal.

Lets get started.

 

1.  Let’s go ahead and get the ugly one out of the way shall we?  Sex.  In nearly every relationship that I have been in, I have used this to fill a void that I was missing.  When that person began to pull away or not want to be with me anymore, I would end up degrading myself by using sex to keep that person.  To feel something.  Surely if they do this with me, they love me right?  Wrong.  Something that used to be so sacred to me I have just thrown away on men who really didn’t deserve it.  Don’t get me wrong I haven’t had that many partners but one is enough when it comes to this.  Even the most recent man that I was seeing I used this. Somehow you don’t even think about it, you just do it.  You want so badly for that person to love you that you compromise everything that you value.  Even yourself.  You desperately want to be touched that you settle for something dirty.  I lost my virginity when I was 30 and even as I type that out, it sounds very immature. I have experienced all of my “firsts” as an adult.  I have treated something so beautiful horribly and made it trash. And shall I say that most men (not all) are willing participants.

Not only does this harm me physically but spiritually.  I carry this around with me everyday like a backpack filled with rocks.  Heavy ones.  Everyday. 

 

2.  Food.  Something that I know most people can relate to…….. over-eating.  When things in my life feel very out of control, I can always control food.  Happy, eat.  Bored, eat.  Stressed, eat.  Depressed, eat.  Feel alone, eat.  Lonely, eat.  All of which can result in weight-gain, depression, fatigue, and illness. For me, when this takes place, my body tends to crave the bad stuff and then it becomes this endless cycle of eating junk and nothing healthy.  

 

3.  Exercising.  I can remember when I discovered the fact that I loved to workout.  There is something about the way you feel when you are finished that is so great!  But I have also been known to do too much.  As I age, I have noticed that I am more apt to get an injury or jacked muscle when it comes to working out,  especially when my diet is off. 

 

4.  Spending.  Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that I would struggle with money.  I don’t have bad credit or anything but man there have been many times that I have purchased something that I really didn’t need only to feel so much guilt and shame over it later. 

 

5.  Interfering with healing.  Sadly this one is more embarrassing to me than the whole sex thing.  If I have a sore, especially a small one, I will pick it to death.  Sounds weird I know, but it’s the truth.  There is something that actually happens when I do it.  I feel something.   A release of sorts.  Sounds even weirder I know.  I have had a place that has been on my body since last March because I won’t leave it alone. Time and time again I’ll go to it out of habit and just pick.  It’s embarrassing and gross and frankly something I didn’t think that I would even admit or tell someone about. 

 

Here is the definition of self-harm:

The act of hurting one self deliberately.  Causing harm or to injure. 

Intentional

Wounding

Impulsive

Punishment

 

There you have it.

I didn’t share these things to make you look at me differently nor did I share them because I love to share.  I think that we are so afraid to share the ugly, hard stuff that we hold all of this inside and let me tell ya, it has to come out somehow, someway.  All of these things, in some way, has damaged me and most importantly damaged my relationship with Christ. 

Because my relationship with Him isn’t right, I have allowed these things to run my life. 

 

This past Sunday I walked away from the sermon with this.  Repent. 

The conversation with my brother.  Repent.

To be able to move forward and let go of these things, I must seek forgiveness. 

I must also forgive myself.

 

 

 

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Emma makes me smile.

 

It’s my birthday today and I am officially in the 40 club.  🙂

But as I end this post, I feel very thankful. 

Thankful for my family and thankful for you.

But most of all, thankful for God’s unending love, mercy and grace.

 

🙂

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On Fear

Hi ya’ll!   I hope that you enjoyed your Veterans Day!   I spent the day with my parents and drinking hot cocoa.   I don’t know about you but I am loving the temperatures where I live.  It was rainy, cold and windy Tuesday but it made drinking hot cocoa much more fun.  Weird, I know.

 

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Being off for the holiday has will have my week off a bit.  Yesterday felt like Monday.  Again. 

 

This holiday season I am trying new dessert recipes and as you know, baking makes me happy!

 

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Chocolate Swirl Pumpkin Bread with an Orange Glaze

 

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I really love this quote.

Mainly because it really does speak the truth.  Oh how I wish that this was not something that I struggled with.  I mean we all have things that we struggle with but this is a big one for me.  I believe what it boils down to is fear. 

Fear of the unknown.

I have allowed fear to rule in my life for so long that I really can’t tell the difference anymore.  I don’t know about you but I am kind of tired doing that.  I want to be finished with giving fear that kind of power over me. 

I am not afraid of everything mind you.  It’s just in certain things that I allow it to lead my life and decisions.  Living in fear of something doesn’t allow God to use us to our full capability.

This quote is from Lisa Whittle and I found it through the Facebook account for Proverbs 31 Ministries.

 

The truth is, I am sick of me.

I am sick of being afraid.  I am sick of being hot and cold or God, depending on my circumstances.  I am sick of wrestling with the same things I’ve wrestled with for most of my life.

I want to be well.  I want to be productive and joyful.  I want to be useful for the Kingdom, valuable to my family, and have something to show of my time on earth.

When I meet God one day, I want to say with open hands, here’s what I did with the life You gave me.

I want God.  I want Him to show up tangibly in me.  I want Him to blow me away with insights and remind me that He is bigger than all my daily crazy.  I want Him to sweep me off my feet and take me on one of His many amazing adventures.

It is not a bad thing when we are sick of ourselves.  It is, in fact, a good thing.  Because that’s when we will desire God in such a big way that we are willing to let go of the steering wheel of our life and let God drive us into our future.

 

How amazing is that?

Don’t you want that?

I don’t know about you but I really do want that.  There is so much faith and strength in stepping out and giving God full reign in your life. 

I want this and I want to be healthy.  I believe that when you are healthy on the inside, it shows up on the outside.  And no, not in skinny jeans. It just shows.

 

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Have an amazing day!

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